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The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our life, particularly emotional life. Similarly, romantic relationships are one of the difficult relationships to handle. If you are stuck with an emotionally unavailable woman, then your life can become a living hell.
What Will I Learn?
- 29+ Signs & Traits of Emotionally Unavailable Women
- Defining Emotionally Unavailable Women!
- Signs of Emotionally Distant Women
- 5. She Leaves You Hanging on Plans:
- 6. Emotionally Unavailable Women avoid introducing You to their Family & Friends:
- 7. She is Afraid of the Commitment:
- 8. Tethering is the Word for Her:
- 9. She Makes You Feel Dependent & Needy:
- 10. She is already Committed (somewhere else!):
- 11. She Never Deals with Conflicts:
- 12. Emotionally Unavailable Women are Perfectionist:
- 13. She Conceals from You and Investigates about You:
- 14. It is all your Fault!:
- 15. She is with her Ex (Emotionally):
- 16. She Loves Attention (and seek it in unhealthy ways):
- 17. All Sex yet No Love!:
- 18. Emotionally Unavailable Women are Aloof & Distant:
- 19. She deserves better than You:
- 20. She Cannot deal with Anger (or any major emotion):
- 21. Emotionally Unavailable Women Wants Control Over You:
- 22. She Blackmails you, Emotionally!:
- 23. She will never Stop Hurting You:
- How to Deal with Someone who is Emotionally Unavailable
- Leaving an Emotionally Unavailable Woman
- How to Make an Emotionally Unavailable Woman Happy
- Psychology of Emotionally Unavailable Women
Fortunately, we present the ultimate list of the signs and traits of emotionally unavailable women along with suggestions on how to deal with such toxic people in your life.
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Here is the list of all the traits of emotionally unavailable women which we have identified:
- Difficulty in Sharing Feelings
- Not Interested in Knowing the Real You
- She is not intimate (out of fear of vulnerability)
- She is Defensive Most of the Times
- Avoids Responsibility
- Never Commits to a Relationship
- Prefer her own convenience
- She is Narcissistic
- Wants Sex, Not Love
- She is Aloof & Distant
- She Can’t See the Bigger Picture
- Casual about Relationship
- Seeks Attention
- She acts Dominantly
- Makes You Feel Guilty for No Reason
- She ‘acts’ independent
- She Wants it all & She Want It Now
- She is a Perfectionist
- She is Angry all the time
- She does not Open Up with You
- She Still Loves her ex
- Avoid one-on-one Deep Conversations
- She has no Empathy for You
- She seeks to Control You
- She practices Emotional Blackmailing
- She avoids Meeting Your Friends & Family
- She Avoids Introducing You to Her Friends & Family
- She Keeps Hurting You (Emotionally)
- She will not break-up on her own
Before moving on towards the signs and traits of emotionally unavailable women, we need to define exactly what we mean when we say these three words together!
As a starter, many people believe the being emotionally unavailable is a men’s trait. There is a term for it as well, EUM! But the reality is different, being emotionally immature or insecure is a human problem that applies to all the genders.
Generally, when a human is mistreated, hurt, or abused in any way, he or she puts a defensive wall around themselves. This wall is made of emotional tactics, such as being rude, showing attitude, not expressing interest in opposite genders, etc.
Then there is a category of people who turn off their emotional needs and expression in order to achieve something big in life. They commit themselves to a goal that is more important to them than their relationship, thus becoming emotionally unavailable with their partner.
There are few people who are stuck in the past and think of their ex all the time. They are attached to their ex emotionally and feel everything for him/her, even when they have physically moved on into a new relationship. Therefore, they are unable to be emotionally present fully in this new romantic relationship.
Whatever the cause, we define an emotionally unavailable person as under:
‘A person who does not express his or her raw, real emotions normally and is unable to reciprocate the love he or she receives from the partner’
These types of people are really toxic to have in your life. They create unnecessary drama, hurt, and feelings of rejection in your life and thus destroys your peace and emotional life.
In order to save yourself from ever going into a bad relationship with such a person, we have created the ultimate list of signs of emotionally unavailable women.
1. She is not Intimate (out of fear of vulnerability):
It is human nature to be cautious particularly when we’ve been hurt in our past. This same human trait is the cause for some women to become emotionally unavailable in a relationship.
Some women really struggle with intimacy issues due to their past history with some sort of trauma or abuse related to being too close or intimate with someone. This can be their own family members and this can be some stranger, but the fact of the matter is that after that experience she is unable to be open and be intimate with a romantic partner.
If you think that you are truly in love with this woman and that your love can help her overcome this challenge, then you may try to do so. But keep in mind the challenges, difficulties, and even blame associated with this attempt.
In this case, it is your call to make a choice between helping her through your love to deal with this past trauma or seek the help of a professional or simply leave the relationship.
Whatever you do, we advise you to keep the consequences in mind.
2. She is into something else for now:
Some women are going after another goal when they get in a relationship with you. Despite all their positive intentions, there is something else that is the top priority for them right now in their lives.
The object of priority can range from something related to work, education, family, or even some personal pursuit, but the reality is that it is not You.
In this case, you can wait for her to deal with her priority in life, and then she can invest all her energy and attention in building a serious relationship with you.
But no one knows about how long will she take in dealing with that priority and becoming emotionally available to you.
Therefore, it is best not to wait.
Because as you are available with your whole being, you deserve someone who can be the same in a serious and long-term romantic relationship.
Another trait of emotionally unavailable women is that they do not open up and share their inner selves with a romantic partner.
Opening up and revealing our true self to another person requires a lot of trust. This trust cannot be established if only one partner is willing to open up and share his true self with the other partner.
Therefore, if you are feeling that only you are sharing your inner thoughts, struggles, challenges, and fears and that she is not reciprocating this honesty then you might surely be dealing with a woman among emotionally unavailable women.
Even if you keep waiting for her to reveal herself, you will grow distrust and confusion in yourself about her personality because she will be keeping a lot of secrets from you.
This distrust and confusion, in turn, will make her keep more secrets, thus feeding this vicious cycle of fear of intimacy.
Her reason for not opening up can be genuine as well. Like being:
- Abused by her previous partner.
- Taken advantage of due to revealing too much.
- Being rejected after being open about her true self etc.
But if she is unable to deal with it and move on, then there is nothing much that you can about it as well.
While we acknowledge the fact that many men do verbally, mentally, or physically abuse their female partner in a relationship, it is also true that not all men are the same.
But emotionally unavailable women are so wounded in the past that they generalize this to EVERY MAN on the face of this earth.
They make mean comments about men, they make jokes about men more than other women, they never miss an opportunity to belittle men in any situation.
This anger and frustration towards men affect you as well in the relationship. As she has stereotyped every man, she will take even the slightest deed or word as an attack by a ‘Man’.
While we empathize and understand the cause of this behavior, we also suggest that you need and deserve someone who can see and understand you as a person instead of as a gender.
4. She is Never the Same!:
One big, giant trait of emotionally unavailable women is the inconsistency in their behavior. They are all happy and shining at one moment and then all sad or angry at the other.
This trait of emotionally unhealthy women will affect you the most in a romantic relationship. Because this trait will always make you feel uncertain about everything.
While a little uncertainty is healthy in a relationship, being uncertain about everything all of the time is not healthy at all.
Here is an example of her uncertainty:
At first, everything seems great. She chats with you on the phone, makes long calls with you, plans and execute romantic dates with you but all of a sudden she disappears.
Now she is not only texting you herself, but she is not even replying after you have sent dozens of texts. She is not making calls and she is not certainly going out on a date with you.
Then again she appears back into your life with convincing reasons such as:
- Too much work
- Emergency in Family
- Some friend needed her
- She was not feeling ‘well’
All of the above reasons can be genuine as well, but if this inconsistency in behavior is the only consistent thing in your relationship, you might be with a woman among the emotionally unavailable women.
They do this out of fear of rejection. Therefore, they always try to maintain a mystery in their behavior. This mystery positions them in a way so that they can have the final word on all decisions.
Any emotionally healthy and happy woman, if in a relationship with you, will always try to stay in touch with you despite all the things going on in her life.
Signs of Emotionally Distant Women
Emotionally Distant women are women who are not involved with you emotionally even if she is involved with you in a relationship. They are unable to process and understand their own emotions and they are too immature about the emotional lives of other people as well.
Generally, emotionally distant women are self-oriented and view everything according to their own egos. They are like a child, for whom there is nothing more important than his own needs. Another sign of an emotionally distant woman is that she has poor self-esteem and do not hold herself high in her own opinion.
This makes it hard for her to relate, connect & socialize with other people. Few of the most important signs of Emotionally Distant Women are below.
5. She Leaves You Hanging on Plans:
Another trait of an emotionally unhealthy woman that is linked with inconsistency is her leaving you hanging between a yes and a no.
Basically, emotionally toxic people want to maintain the position of control in their relationships, so they try their best to not solidifying any plans.
A typical reason for this behavior is simply the past abuse or hurt experienced by such people, this abuse or hurt then develops an unhealthy tendency to be selfish, numb and unattached with one’s feelings.
So whenever a decision is to be reached, no matter how small or how big, like when to go to a movie or when to tie the knot, they will always keep you hanging until the last moment.
Then they will announce their decision as to their ‘opinion’ at them when you have no other option than accepting it as the final word!
You are serious about this relationship, you want her to meet your friends and family but she keeps making one excuse after another.
So you try to broaden your social circle and try to meet her friends and family with her but she keeps making excuses for it as well.!
Beware, brother, this is another sign of a woman who is emotionally unavailable.
Anyone who is serious about sharing a significant time of life (if not the whole life) with you should not have any difficulty in introducing you to her inner circle.
Emotionally healthy people never keep their important relationships secret from their pre-existing social circles, particularly with family. It is a sign of concern if she is avoiding introducing you to her friends and family.
This connects with the sign of being wary of commitment and not thinking you worthy of herself.
Another cause of concern is when she wants to make your dates secret for some crazy reasons, such as her ex finding of the new relationship and causing trouble or that she is not ‘just ready’ to announce that she is in a new relationship.
The bottom line is, if she is serious about this relationship, she will have no problem in including you in her social circle.
7. She is Afraid of the Commitment:
Commitment requires intimacy, being open and vulnerable. All these three things are a nightmare for emotionally unavailable women.
As all these traits require being emotionally healthy and expressive, a woman who is emotionally unavailable will always avoid commitment in a relationship.
This is one of the most dangerous and tell-tale signs of emotionally unavailable women. There can be many reasons for being afraid of committing like:
- Never being in a long-term relationship (a sign of chronic unavailability)
- Uncertainty about her future
- Fear of you being changed after getting her commitment etc.
But the signs are always like this:
She talks with you, she goes out on dates with you but whenever you bring up the topic of commitment, she changes her behavior completely. Now she is not soft-spoken, but rude as well.
Therefore, if you are seriously looking for a long-term relationship and you have tried everything you can to get her commitment and she still avoids it, then this is surely a sign of deep-rooted fear and insecurity.
8. Tethering is the Word for Her:
Tethering is a new phenomenon where a person texts another person (thanks to the Internet) in a way that he/she is interested in them.
They make plans, share things about their past, make plans about their future but never being serious in the whole process.
This behavior makes the other person interested in the relationship in the hope that someday a real relationship, outside of the virtual world, will develop and that they will live together. But all of this is only false hope.
This is one of the signs of emotionally unavailable women. Chatting and communicating in a virtual world is easy, it requires little or no emotions, but being in a serious relationship with someone in the REAL world requires a lot of heart.
And this is exactly what emotionally unavailable people miss.
So if you are observing this behavior from the girl you talking with on the Internet, it’s time to think about it seriously.
9. She Makes You Feel Dependent & Needy:
Emotionally Unavailable women will always make you feel that you are asking too much of her or you are being too needy for her time and attention.
She will make you feel needy and guilty even when it is YOU who is inviting her to your life’s big events. She will act as if she is doing a favor by being there with you.
She will mention how hard it is for her to join you, how much work she has to leave to be with you and how other plans were destroyed to be there in your plan!
All of these are red flags of emotionally unavailable women.
Because if a woman is serious about being in a long-term relationship with you, she will feel happy about you giving her value and asking her to join in important events. But if your girl is doing things otherwise, then you need to seriously think about this relationship.
This behavior can reach the point where you will feel shy and nervous about asking her out or inviting her to your events.
10. She is already Committed (somewhere else!):
Another reason for the delay in the commitment by the emotionally unavailable women is her commitment to someone else. It is noted that usually, an emotionally unavailable woman is unavailable to you as a romantic partner because she is available to someone else, either in her mind or in reality.
Sorry for being blunt, but expecting already committed a woman to leave her current relationship is nothing but stupidity.
She is just using you to fill her empty moments and help her pass the time while she waits for the one she is emotionally available for!
11. She Never Deals with Conflicts:
Does this woman in your life make excuses in order to avoid talking about sensitive topics such as the status of your relationship and other things? Does she turn every attempt of mature discussion into a fight resulting in emotional drama?
These are the signs of an emotionally unavailable person. As dealing with conflicts requires a lot of emotional maturity and well-being, people who are emotionally disturbed or empty usually try to avoid going near them.
People who are emotionally distant tend to have insecure attachment styles resulting in the inability of dealing with complex emotions and negative moods.
Therefore, they try to blame their partner for their own lack of ability in dealing with important issues in life.
On the other hand, people who are emotionally mature easily deal with negative and complex emotion in a way that strengthens the relationship. But insecure people handle these same emotions in such a disastrous manner that it results in even more negativity and distance in the relationship.
This is another trait of an emotionally unavailable woman where you need to look into her relationship history. Usually, people who are emotionally immature or insecure tend to forget all their own shortcomings and nitpick their partner till they find something negative, even if it is just a tiny thing, to break up with the partner.
Beware, dude, this a pattern about the relationship which is really hard to break.
So do not delude yourself by thinking that you have the will and emotional energy to handle all the drama in breaking her pattern of being a perfectionist about her partners.
It is really tempting to think that you are not like others and that you are the ‘one’ who is made for her. But it not about you, it is about her.
The real issue is in her personality and her perfectionist attitude in dealing with humans.
She is afraid of developing a real and intimate relationship and the easiest strategy to help her in this regard is having standards so high that no one can really meet them, at least not all the time.
13. She Conceals from You and Investigates about You:
She may ask questions that are inappropriate in an early stage of the relationship about sex, finances, and other family matters.
Such negative behavior from her means that she is interested only in her own gain and using you to achieve her own goals. In order to achieve those goals, she does all she can to stop a real relationship to develop.
After all her questions about your personal life, she will try to evade all your genuine questions about her own personal life and even about her motive in asking such questions from you in the first place.
14. It is all your Fault!:
She is the one who has difficulty in dealing with her emotions, it is she who is not willing to deal with her fear of intimacy and it is she who is being a perfectionist, yet she blames you for everything bad in your relationship.
This behavior of emotionally unavailable women is so strong that it manipulates you into believing that everything is actually your fault.
We are here to tell you the truth, it is not ALL YOUR FAULT!
It is her own fault that she is not dealing with her own problems. Either real or imaginary, they are her problems and she has to be the one take full responsibility in dealing with them.
15. She is with her Ex (Emotionally):
If your woman keeps mentioning her ex again and again in every type of conversation, then this is a sign that she is still with an ex emotionally.
This is a fact that any woman who is emotionally linked to her ex will recognize, identify and see everything in you as a reflection of her last partner. This will cause serious issues in your relationship, ultimately hurting you in a big way.
If she is still in love or emotionally attached to her ex-boyfriend, then it is impossible for her to be fully present (emotionally) with you in this new relationship.
In a way, she is chained to her ex and you cannot do anything about it.
16. She Loves Attention (and seek it in unhealthy ways):
An emotionally immature woman is addicted to attention. She will do everything in her power to be the center of attention in any situation.
This is a common trait in people who are emotionally insecure. As they are unable to socialize with people normally, they try to fill that need in unhealthy ways by creating social drama, thus bringing attention to themselves.
If you are in a relationship with such a woman, beware that anytime she thinks that you are giving your attention to someone else (even if someone else is your mom or sister) she will become jealous and seek means to bring your attention back to herself.
Usually, the ways opted by such people to seek attention are toxic and unhealthy.
17. All Sex yet No Love!:
Women who are emotionally unavailable prefer sex over love. In their minds, love is too complicate or risky for them, therefore, they are fine with one night stands.
Love requires being open, intimate, and vulnerable. Sex requires nothing.
Therefore, the glue which holds a relationship for such women is mostly sex. Cuddling, showing affection and actually loving a partner is not part of her personality.
As emotionally unhealthy women are unable to deal and express their emotions, they chose to be aloof and distant in most situation.
They act as they have noticed nothing when someone tries to flirt with them or approach them, thus securing themselves from being emotionally attached to someone.
If they are already in a relationship, then they don’t know how to deal with their partner’s emotions. Even if their partner breaks down in front of their eyes, they will not be to react in an appropriate manner. They will try their best, but only a half-hearted pat will be expressed in hope of someone helping them out from this difficult situation.
19. She deserves better than You:
If your woman is always talking about how she has dated men who were better then you in certain ways, then you are dating an emotionally unavailable woman.
Teasing your partner about something in a light manner is a healthy type of fun. But keep reminding him about his apparent weaknesses is actually toxic.
Therefore, if your girl keeps mentioning how you are lucky to have her in your life then be reminded that she thinks that you do not deserve her.
In return, this means that she deserves someone better. Anytime, she can break up with you and move on with another person, ultimately doing the same thing with him as well.
20. She Cannot deal with Anger (or any major emotion):
We all get angry with one thing or another, but the way we express that anger defines our emotional maturity.
Emotionally unhealthy people are usually unable to deal with their emotions. They try to bury them within themselves, but at one point, their emotional tips, and then they burst out in all types of negative ways.
They can show signs of passive aggression as well. Because being unable to deal with emotions does not mean that they don’t have any emotions, it simply means that they express them in a disastrous way.
Another characteristic of emotionally unavailable women is their habit of controlling their partners.
If your girl forces you to take her side in every discussion or controls the when and how you guys will meet, then beware that she is an emotionally immature person dealing with her low self-esteem.
It does not matter if the matter is related to your personal taste, like how you dress, what you eat and what you watch on T.V, or if it is related to something general like which color is more pleasant, she will always try to take control of the situation.
22. She Blackmails you, Emotionally!:
This is one of the most lethal weapons of emotionally unavailable women. After creating all the hurt and drama in your life, if you try to break up with her, you will soon realize that it’s that easy.
All of a sudden she is a sweet girl who does not know why you are being so cruel and breaking up with her. She will act in ways you always wanted, or threaten you that she will take her life until you give in and take back your decision.
This sort of behavior stems from the fact that she is emotionally insecure. She will not let you leave her alone, as she is pretty lonely already.
23. She will never Stop Hurting You:
No matter what you do, how many of her demands you fulfill or how much you change yourself, she will always find things to create drama in the relationship.
These types of women survive on the drama as they are addicted to it. They will keep hurting you even if you have completely changed yourself! Because they don’t know anything else.
Therefore, it is best to leave such a person to herself because she really needs to love herself first and face her problems before being able to love someone else and face mutual problems.
Otherwise, your life will always remain toxic and unhappy, and you might ultimately become an emotionally unavailable man as well.
Dealing with someone who is emotionally unavailable is quite taxing on your own self. The reason behind this is the behavior of an emotionally distant person. They are selfish, self-centric, and do not care about other people’s feelings.
Therefore, the best way to deal with someone who is emotionally unavailable is to stay away from them. If you must deal with them for some reason, then you should not get involved with them emotionally and should not expect the expressions of normal human emotions from them.
Few of the tips on how to deal with someone who is emotionally unavailable are:
- Do not try to invade his/her personal space
- Understand and Respect His/Her Insecurities
- Deal with Them Professionally
- Do not get involved with them Emotionally
- Do not expect the expression of emotions from them
- Do not spend much time with them
Leaving an emotionally unavailable woman might be hard for many people. The problem is one gets too involved in the relationship and keep hoping that someday, somehow, this person will change and will recognize everything that they have done for them.
But unfortunately, this is just an illusion.
Emotionally Unavailable people do not usually care about the hurt they are giving to their near ones, they do not care about their feelings because they are unable to see and recognize that they are in pain BECAUSE of them.
People who are emotionally distant are also emotionally aloof. Even if you break down in front of their very eyes, they will not display real emotions. They are now self-trained in hiding their normal human emotions. Therefore, they feel uneasy and anxious while expressing their emotions, even if they wanted to.
These facts should be in front of us so that we can really make the liberating decision of leaving an emotionally unavailable woman.
No dear, you cannot simply make an emotionally unavailable woman happy.
The reason is simple, they have been hiding their emotions for so long that they have forgotten how to be happy. No matter what you do, they will always find something negative about your behavior. If they are unable to find something negative, even they will regard your acts of love and care as ‘casual’ & ‘normal’ behaviors.
Therefore, making an effort to make an emotionally unavailable woman happy is fruitless. You’ll always be disappointed, no matter what!.
The psychology of emotionally unavailable women is not hard to understand. As humans, we all have emotions. As we grow up, our experience with our parents, siblings, and society at large develop and polishes our emotional skills.
Unfortunately, people who are emotionally immature or distant had negative emotional experiences in their childhood or in the recent past. This is the main reason that they have shut down their emotions. Because dealing with negative emotions requires a lot of strength and will-power.
Few of the other facts about the psychology of emotionally unavailable women are as follows:
- Low Self-Esteem
- Difficulty in Relating to Themselves
- Difficulty in Relating to Others
- Difficulty in Dealing with Major Emotions (Anger, Guilt, Sadness, etc)
- Past Experience of Trauma, Abuse or Torture
- General Demotivation about Life
We have shared the ultimate list of signs and traits of emotionally unhealthy women. We have also shared the root causes of some of these traits. We have suggested you save yourself first and stop deluding yourself that you can change such a woman.
We have also shared the psychology of emotionally unavailable women and the option of leaving emotionally distant people.
Now it is your turn to let us know in the comments section below about the signs and traits of an emotionally unhealthy woman. These can be the signs you might have noticed in your own relationships, or in the relationships of your friends and family.
Do let us know your suggestions on how to deal with emotionally unavailable women as well in the comments section below.
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If you are feeling numb and aren’t experiencing deep emotions like happiness, sadness, anger, joy, etc, then you might be an emotionally unavailable person.
You should leave emotionally unavailable women by learning the fact that unless she seeks professional help, she is going to destroy your emotional life. Simply have the courage and leave her.
What Makes Someone Emotionally Detached?
Childhood Abuse, Major Shock, or Trauma in Life, Psychological Disorders can cause someone to be emotionally detached.
You need to deal carefully with someone who is emotionally unavailable. The best approach is not to have any expectations emotionally. Try to limit your contact with them, until they seek professional help or open up in a mature manner.