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‘Why Do My Parents Hate Me’? Does it sound familiar? Of Course, it does! That is why you are here…
So how much weight does this question holds?
The parent-child relationship is one of the most critical aspects of human development. The majority of our behaviors, values, and development and life choices depend upon it. As a kid, we learn everything from our parents. We seek their validation in whatever we are trying to accomplish.
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We look forward to their approval, which creates our sensibilities. We are very sensitive to our parents. Any change in their behavior can hurt us deeply.
However, when we grow up, things are different. We like to become more independent and began to seek their approval less. This can create many conflicts. As a young adult, peaceful co-existence with parents becomes a real challenge. It is the time when you can start wondering, ‘Why do my parents hate me’?
It is a universally accepted the truth that the foundation of the parent-child relationship is love. Can parent-child love be the biggest lie of humanity? Can parents and children hate each other? Let’s have a look and explore this issue thoroughly.
4 Reasons Why Do My Parents Hate Me (with Solutions)
1. They push their values on you:
The majority of the times, values are perceived as an inheritance. This is not true! The values of a parent and child can differ a lot. It is tough to accept the differences among close-knit relationships, but acceptance is the way of love. Parents often do not approve of dressing, religious views, or eating habits. They want their children to follow their lines of morality. It is tough to debate on this.
Both parents and children try to convince each other. Mostly it is a power struggle for parents. They try to have the upper hand on you by using different tactics. Parents can restrict your activities or force you to do something which is against your personal views.
Now, this situation makes it seem like the parents want to have their way, and they wouldn’t listen to you. They don’t love you the same way they used to do. At first, they bought candies and toys on your whim, but now they are changed! They don’t let you hang out whenever or wherever you want to. Does it mean they hate you? To answer this, we have to look for the reason behind their behaviour.
As parents, we think that whatever we achieved is the bar. We try to raise our children to reach that bar. Our desire for a child to reach the bar can often be seen as not accepting them the way they are. You have to be sure to acknowledge what your child has achieved rather than what is left to accomplish.
Be sure they know you love them unconditionally. You don’t need to show this only when they achieve something. Love should never be performance-based. It’s only relationship-based. If your passion is performance-based, then believe you me, it’s an employer-employee game, not a relationship.
Children get confused by their parents’ urge to push them to do well. I dream if all families who had the same problems would come to a family counselling session or a parenting class.
With the help of some communication improvement techniques and skills training, we can do wonders. No one would need to feel hated. No children of men would want to live alone without their parents.
Parents think that they are wiser than you, which is right most of the time. They want to pamper their children all the time! Parents want the best for you! (at least according to their mindset). Once they think something is right/wrong for you, they will do anything, even if it means imposing stuff on you.
What should you do?
- Be honest.
- Listen to them.
- Talk to them about your feelings.
- Tell them that you are not trying to change their beliefs.
- Ask them to respect your beliefs.
- Avoid specific topics with them.
- Realize that your opinions can change with time.
- Acknowledge that parents can change their opinions too.
2. They call you names or talk down to you :
Often, when a parent and child argue, the parent ends up yelling or calling names. This makes children sulk the most. Sometimes, name-calling can be very harsh. It can wreck your self-esteem. You are called a loser, a black-sheep, or merely a burden on them. What makes a parent act so mean towards their children?
Parents use all kinds of harsh language to their offspring when they are agitated and emotionally triggered. It’s’s the time when their brains have given up on rationality, and they become an emotional child. This means that they say things that a five-year-old would say to their peers when angry like “stupid or wish you weren’t born.
These words might allow parents to let off some steam, but children take these to their hearts and accept them as such. They assume that its hatred that makes them think so low of them.
Seriously if you have anger management issues, then please don’t take it out on your child. It’s unbecoming. You cannot punish your young ones for adult drama. It’s high time you seek counsel or anger management help.
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Emotionally triggered parents stop thinking clearly. This is why you keep thinking why do my parents hate me. They can have anger issues. Parents are capable of saying what they don’t mean when angry. In some cases, they might need counselling.
What should you do?
- Ignore the insults.
- Don’t take it personally.
- When they are in a relaxed mood, tell them how much it hurts you.
3. They pressurize you to perform:
The expectations of parents are usually very high. They want their children to perform best. Always wanting them to win! They want them to do stuff that they weren’t able to do in life. This can lead them to a race of child performance. They will try to manage and make decisions on academic/ extracurricular/ professional aspects of their children’s’ lives. This can cause a lot of anxiety, especially when ‘nothing you do is enough’ according to their expectations.
Parents can put undue pressure and have high expectations. They believe that if they keep pushing, they will perform better. In some cases, children might perform better under pressure. A vast number of kids, incredibly teenagers, get demoralized while working under pressure.
Children find themselves useless to their parents, which in turn will render them unlovable.
Generation X did not face a lot of competition, growing up and building careers compared to what generation y is facing. This is what drives the undue push from parents to their children. Whatever gen X did and became something that does not apply to generation y, this generation gap is a root cause in many cases.
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There is a fine line between caring and too much caring. Too much caring can harm relationships. When parents worry a lot about the future of children, they start wanting to micro-manage their lives.
What should you do?
- Remain calm and composed.
- Know your argument.
- Be confident about yourself.
- Know your argument and present it appropriately.
4. They don’t approve your date/friends:
Parents often try to filter out people from the lives of their children. They want to see and know with whom their child interacts. If they don’t like their child’s date or friends circle, they can become very nagging. They can force their children to abandon important people in their lives. Now the question arises, whether they are actually trying to protect us, or is it just their insecurity?
Most of the parents try to manage their child’s budding sexuality through social confinement. Parents need to trust their children and allow them their space because they need to go through all these social stages and become mature. What they need to do is to talk to them about the hazards of being sexually active and careful.
Educate them on the topic of protective and preventive measures. If you don’t take the co-pilot seat being a parent of an adolescent child, then you better say goodbye to that plane altogether because it’s their petrol age, and they need to be in the pilot seat.
Parents fear their child’s budding sexuality. This can be due to religion or culture. They try to confine their children due to this fear socially. Parents don’t think ( most of the time) that their children are adults to decide for themselves.
What should you do?
- Hear them out. Listen to their points.
- Tell them what they need to know.
- Be honest with both sides.
- Try to bond them through interaction.
Some other common reasons that make you think: ‘why my parents hate me’?
- They are partial to your siblings.
- Your parents compare you with other children.
- They don’t forgive your mistakes easily.
5.My Parents Took Away My Cellphone
Parents often punish their teens by taking away their favorite things. This is their method to punish them for doing something wrong. They might ground them for breaking any house rule or going against their judgment.
If you take away their online connection, then this means that you are putting them in solitary confinement. This electronic connection is like everything to them.
According to teenage beliefs, if they are not online and in connection, then they might lose their boyfriend or girlfriend. Or someone could be spreading falsehood about them in front of their partners.
Parents believe that if they punish their child, they might not break the rules again. This would get parents a short period of compliance followed by remorse, but the child would feel that you are mistreating. This would further their distance from you and create problems with your relationship.
In the teenage dictionary, only hatred could motivate a parent to act sadistically to take away their social connections.
When is it problematic?
Parents are very lovable beings. Their intentions are pure most of the time. What we need to understand is that sometimes, their love is not UNCONDITIONAL. If your relationship with them is conditional for the majority of the time, then that’s a red flag. Toxic parents do exist, and there is no denying to it. The following are the signs that your parent(s) are toxic, and the dynamic of your relationship is not situational.
Three Common Signs of Toxic Parents
- They are overly-critical all the time.
- Toxic Parents always blame you even for the stuff that’s not your responsibility.
- They emotionally manipulate you
- Toxic Parents try to hurt you intentionally to inflict pain.
- They blackmail you of dire consequences.
- Toxic Parents fail to provide security.
- They make toxic jokes at your expense.
- Toxic Parents don’t allow you to express your feelings.
- They are selfish and self-absorbed.
10 Effective Ways of Dealing with Toxic Parents
Here are some tips for dealing with toxic parents if you identify one:
1. Explore your boundaries
You need to learn about healthy boundaries of a relationship. Try to make them loud and clear. Be aware of your personal dos’ and don’ts.’
2. Go for counseling
Past traumas can lead you to deeper mental issues. You might need some counseling to make peace with your own emotions. Clarity of mind is essential for making decisions.
3. Make space for your emotions
Making space for your emotions can allow you to make different choices. Challenging emotions is vital for dealing with painful experiences of line. Balanced emotions are key to moving forward.
4. Study about it:
Studying behavioral patterns and signs of a toxic relationship are the easiest ways of self-help. It can help us to understand the complexity of the situation. It is essential to be aware, so we can take a step towards fixing it.
5. Figure Out Your Needs Related to this Relationship:
There are some things which are more important in a relationship than love. Respect is the most crucial aspect of any relationship. Children often seek validation from their parents, make your needs, and wants clear and act accordingly. Outcomes are highly dependent on the way you act.
6. Find Support from Somewhere:
Support is essential when we are facing difficult situations. We need a good listener to hear out our problems. Support can reduce depression and stress. Therefore, support is even more crucial when you are thinking why do my parents hate me?
7. Use Tactics to Divert the Toxic Conversation:
You should be well-equipped with diverting the negative conversation. Avoid too many discussions with them. Limit your views to yourself. Don’t talk back even if they provoke you.
8. Recognize Traits that Easily Trap You:
It can help you to understand what leads you into an emotional trap. Recognition is important to tackle manipulation. You can easily counter it, once you are aware.
9. Don’t Give in to Anger:
Feeling angry is a normal thing. Acting upon anger can have its consequences. Anger can make us impulsive and irrational. It can take away our sanity. But anger does not need to be suppressed either. Try to remain composed when angry. Do not lose your chill.
10. Don’t Normalize the Abusive Relationship:
Never think that abuse is a part of the relationship. Remember that abuse never comes out of love. Do not blame yourself. Avoid thinking that you deserve it. Maintain your self-respect. Avoid thinking that abuse was “heat of the moment” only.
FAQ – Frequently Asked Question On Why Do My Parents Hate Me
What Do You Do When Your Parents Hate You?
Remain calm, Find out how to accept the situation, Do not retaliate, Look to your own future with hope, Believe in yourself, Talk to someone you trust, and Look after yourself.
Why Do My Parents Treat Me Differently?
The more the qualities and personality of brothers and sisters vary, the more their parents take care of them in a different way. A different driver of parenting is, obviously, the age of the child, but while age group and personality play an important part in why one kid gets more from a mother and father than another, above and beyond these are matters of parental stress.
How Do You Make Your Parents Understand How You Feel?
Explain your situation to your parents, Be honest, Try to understand your parent’s point of view, try not to argue with them, Share the good things, too with your parents.
What Is Middle Child Syndrome?
Middle Child Syndrome Is the Birth Order and Personality. The Science Behind MCS (Middle child syndrome) is the faith that mid children mean middle number kids are ignored, excluded, or perhaps even outright abandoned and neglected as a result of their birth sequence.
Why Teenagers Behave Like That?
They take bad influence from their parents” reactions and emotions. Teens do not have that age number where you have emotional intelligence, where they can overcome bad influence.
They look to their parents for that regular, constant magical seal of approval. That you are my universe, you are my flesh and blood. You are the apple of my eye. But if they face criticism, anger, and rudeness, they take it to their heart that I must be unlikeable human beings.
And with time, if this keeps on going, their hearts become rigid and cold. If water keeps pouring drop after drop, it makes a hole in the stone and then passes through. After some months or years, you become soft and loving all of a sudden, then their heart won’t take it, or they won’t believe you.
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Things To Focus As Parents.
Children are your reflection; whatever you do, they would do it in the background. Your actions are programming their subconscious to be rude or soft, just like you.
If you are a parent and don’t believe that, then just type why my parents in google and voila do, the first thing that comes up is “hate me.” Teenagers are the google generation. Whatever they need to know, it’s google they ask first. These search terms sadden me with the burden of how healthy their relationship is with their parents.
After going about all the teens” issues, I feel the need to work with the parents. It is to show them how to be rationally responsible parents. How to enforce house rules with logical results? Not punitive steps. Trust me; teenagers do not see rationally executed preventive measures as cruel.
If they wash their duds and forget to unplug the washer, then do not penalize for mistake first, appreciate their effort first. They need to hear them doing good by their folks.
If you cannot have trust in your flesh and blood, then remember the world is a cruel place, and your kind words might be the only tonic to prevail.
So, this is all we have when it comes to why do my parents hate me for now. Let us know in our comments section below about your own thoughts and opinions about the topic.