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Have you ever answered the phone and been asked a question or greeted with a statement that caught you completely off-guard? How did it make you feel? Was it funny?
Well, here’s your chance to be prepared for something out of the ordinary – we’ve compiled humorous ways to answer the phone that will have everyone from Grandma Edna to Cousin Louise in stitches. Whether you want to respond with a witty one-liner or an old school impression, these hilarious ideas are sure to bring plenty of laughter!
In today’s post, we have gathered some epic funny ways to answer the phone, so watch this space for uncontrollable laughter!
Answer Calls Like You Are A Receptionist at a Fake Business
Who says boring, robotic hellos have to be the norm when you answer calls?
Step up your game and answer like you’re running a business! Confuse your friends with witty responses and make it sound like you’ve got the world’s most impressive job.
And who knows? Maybe soon a call to your number will actually land someone an interview.
Now that’s an interesting way to answer calls! Let’s check out a few of these funny ways to answer the phone:
- “Tim’s Taxidermy, you snuff’em we stuff’em“
- “Good morning, you’ve reached the unicorn logistics company! How may I help you?”
- “Mule barn, head ass speaking”
- “Thanks for calling the fairy dust factory! What can we do for you?”
- “Hello. Suicide hotline, can you hold, please?”
- “Welcome to the Leprechaun Emporium, how can I help you?”
- “You’ve reached Shark Tank Investigations, what do you need?”
- “Sperm bank. You smack it, we pack it.“
- “Greetings from the Oompa-Loompa Hotline! How may I help you?”
- “Roadkill cafe, you kill it we grill it“
- “Kraken Express Delivery Company – sinking your problems since 1887!“
- “Welcome to Pizza Hut! May I take your order?“
- “Welcome to Zombie Geek Squad – Saving brains one customer at a time!“
- “Bob’s mortuary, you stab em, we slab em!“
- “The Yeti Zone Repair Shop – Taking care of all your hairy needs!“
Hilariously Funny Ways to Answer the Phone
16. 911, What’s your emergency?
Imagine you saying this when a call comes in. Just don’t let the other person say anything and barge in. It will make the other person laugh out loud, or maybe hang up out of fear and quickly call back, giving you something to tease them about for months to come.
Important note: only do this with your friends or relatives!
17. “DUDE! I told you to bury the arms and throw the body in the ocean”
Answer the phone with a bang! A witty and scary phrase like this will surely leave them stunned and make you chuckle.
Play your prank, enjoy some evil laughter – and don’t miss out on this crazy fun way to start conversations!
18. “Ooooooh, its a lady.”
If you are a guy, and a lady on the other end, then yell “oooooh its a lady” like you are an excited little kid! The lady will surely get a good laugh.
19. “What the hell do you want?”
This statement can be mistaken if you are having a bad day, but it will sound humorous if you answer your phone call with this.
It is one of the funniest ways to answer the phone because if depicts your sarcasm and humor perfectly. It also is fun to say to your friends. So gear up for the next incoming call from your friend!
20. “GRANDPA! YOU ARE ALIVE!”
Wattpad rated this phrase as the funniest way to answer the phone on its website. Suppose if you get a call from your introvert friend, squeal happily as soon as he says hello.
It will give your conversation a lively start for sure, and you might plan a meetup.
21. The number you have dialed is powered off
I have also said this over the phone numerous times. It just sounds one of the funniest ways to answer the phone. Why? Because it has a subtle sense of humor and gives your message to the caller quite clearly, without making him feel bad.
For instance, if you have frank terms with your assistant manager, but he calls you up every half hour to check the report, you might want to reply with this, and he will get a good laugh. Also, he can’t object because you gave him the message to spare you for five minutes!
22. Scream like a madman, then answers: “sorry for the interruption.”
Okay, so you might want to take precautions in this because you can only say these crazy things to your close friends. I rate it as the craziest one in the list of funny ways to answer the phone.
Only your friend or the people who know you will be able to get your crazy side, so good luck to them for their next call to you.
23. “Phone tag, you’re it.”
Remember that childhood game of tag, you’re it? It’s the same with this phrase, but it is slightly changed. It sounds best when you want to create a playful or mischievous vibe. It is yet another one of the many fun ways to answer the phone.
24. “HELLO?….. OH No, the voices are back again!”
This made me laugh too. Imagine how your fellow caller will laugh! Again, only your friends or people in other close circles will get you; otherwise, it is not a very friendly way to answer the phone call.
It will sound best if your friend is a horror movie geek, and you say this as soon as he says hello. This is a mind-blowing way to start a conversation!
25. “You are gonna be my new phone buddy.”
Many people tend to come in the list of your best pals. This might be a great way to take your friendship to a whole new level.
Therefore, the next time your new friend calls in, just start your verbal parade by saying this. It one of the most lively and funny ways to answer the phone.
26. “Sorry he/she is dead, can I have him/her call you back?
To be honest, tread carefully with this one. This phrase might freak out the person at the other end. I would only do this if I new the caller well and think they have a dark sense of humor.
But it is funny! If your friend’s boyfriend calls her up, then you can say this on her behalf. It will freak him out for a moment, but you will surely get a good laugh.
It gets crazy like this when friends get together. So here is one ore freaky-funny way to answer the phone for you.
27. Say “Hello Kiddies” in a wicked way
There are some weird things that only your close friends understand. These odd things/your crazy side is only disclosed to the people whom you can trust. That is why the best of pals can know what you are thinking by just looking at you.
So whenever there is a group call/chat, say “hello kiddies” in a perverted way to get a big laugh. I am not surprised if anyone says that it is the best and one of the funniest ways to answer the phone.
Now, how funny is this! You don’t even have to say anything, and you might be making the other person go crazy with laughter. Yes, it is a certified, funny way to answer the phone. Go ahead and try it.
29. Act like its a Fish Market
Answer your next phone call by saying, “hello, it’s the fish market. I am a shark; how can I help you?”. It is a legit funny way to answer the phone as the other person will surely laugh.
So muster up all your acting skills as you will be answering the craziest call ever.
30. Laugh like crazy- no 1 funny way to answer the phone!
Giggling is an old school, so make way for the legendary “Hee Hee Huu Huu Haa Haa.” Treat your next caller with this epic funny way to answer the phone. I am sure it will be amazingly fun!
31. Be a Survivor of World War 2
Now isn’t that funny! Treat your caller with insane fun by saying, “Hi, I am the last survivor of world war 2, how are you doing?“. I can relate it to my personal experience because my friend told me that he got a call like that, and it was pure fun for him.
That’s a good one. Lets look at a few more funny ideas for phone answering.
32. Try Music Clips and Soundbites
Funny phone answering has never been easier with music clips and soundbites from famous pop culture icons!
Whether it’s the classic “D’oh!” from Homer Simpson, a quip from Peter Griffin of Family Guy, an excited one-liner from Sylvester Stallone, or an Oscar worthy brush-off courtesy of President Donald Trump – you can answer your calls in style.
Simply select a classic line that best fits the conversation and instantly become the life of the party. This entertaining collection of soundbites is sure to bring some laughter and light-heartedness to answer any phone call.
These soundbites can either be a really simple way to answer your calls in an amusing manner or they can be a bit more difficult and only for the technically savvy, where you use midi tracks to have entire conversations from your favorite characters.
33. Buy a Voice Disguiser for some Phone Call Fun
If you’re in need of a pick-me-up, pick up the phone! But wait! You might want to consider investing in a voice disguiser first.
With prices starting from under $30, it’s one of the best investments that money can buy if you want to have some phone answering fun.
Voice disguisers are small and mighty machines which modify your voice and leave anyone who hears it thoroughly unsuspecting. Don’t worry about anyone recognizing you – with a voice disguiser, you’ll be unrecognizable!
34. Tons of funny ways to use the Voice Disguiser
Voice disguising technology has come a long way!
Gone are the days of painstakingly doing amateur voice impersonations. Now, if you want to change your woman’s voice to sound like a man, your grandparents’ voice to sound like a woman’s or even a child’s – all you have to do is invest in some good voice disguising software.
You can also experiment with more difficult transformations – from making yourself sound like an elderly person to giving your voice a cracked or robot-like effect!
Whatever you choose, the possibilities for having creative fun making some phone messages with these tools are endless.
Humorous Answering Machine Messages
Answering machine messages don’t have to be dull and boring! A good message can be an opportunity to brighten up someone’s day with a personalized message.
These phone answering messages can be customized to give your callers the best experience. Make sure to update your message regularly for those that are already familiar with you; let’s look at a few funny ways to leave humorous answering machine messages.
35. Hi, you’ve reached the Fluffy Cloud Hotline. Please leave a message after the baaah and one of our friendly sheep will get back to you soon! *BEEP*
36. Greetings Earthlings! You have reached an intergalactic space station. Please leave your galactic coordinates and we’ll contact you shortly.*BEEP*
37. Hello, this is Big Ben speaking – I’m currently off for maintenance so please leave your time-related query after the bell toll and someone will get back to you shortly.*BEEP*
38. Hi there! This is Bob from Mars – if you’re here for a tour then please leave your details after the spaceship noises so we can give you a call when we´re open again.*BEEP*
39. Congratulations, You have reached Santa’s North Pole Workshop – If you have something nice to say then go ahead and hang up because I’m only accepting naughty messages today! *BEEP*
40. Yo yo yo! Welcome to Jam Central Station – Leave us a message, speak it in rhythm or send us on our way with some rhymes before the beat drops away.*BEEP*
41. Steve’s phone isn’t working, so this is his refrigerator answering instead. Please speak slowly, and I’ll record your message with one of his magnets on my front.
42. Welcome to Rumors-R-Us – if you are simply spreading gossip please hang up right now because we here only deal with facts.*BEEP*
43. Hi there! You’ve reached the genie’s phone line – go ahead and state your wish before I run out of wishes.*BEEP*
44. Aloha from Hawaii! If you have a problem feel free to leave a ukulele jamming as a way of expressing yourself after the beep.*BEEP*
45. Allo allo! This is Boris Johnson’s Brexit hotline – If it’s about European politics then don’t bother leaving us a message because nothing ever gets done anyway… * BEEP *
46. Ahoy hoy matey! This is Captain Jack Sparrow speaking so leave me some scurvy tidings before me timbers start to shake!*BEEP*
47. Hi there, you’ve reached the Zombie hotline – if you have a problem just leave us a message and we’ll get back to you soon, hopefully before you turn into one of them… *BEEP*
FAQs – Frequently Asked Questions on Ridiculously Funny Ways to Answer the Phone for Massive Laughter
How Do You Answer Unknown Calls?
Ignore, reject, or simply don’t answer the unknown calls. If it’s very important they will leave a text for you. If you have to reply to the call because you may expect a call from a person whose number that you do not remember or know. If you instantly don’t recognize the person then block that phone number
Should I Respond To A Wrong Number Text?
When you in doubt about the number then just text back. A straightforward and simple text. But unless things start really getting out of control, you may call your network service provider and have that a specific number impassable or blocked.
How Do You Start A Phone Conversation?
Mostly English phone conversations always start in the same way like hi or hello and by introducing yourself. If you answer the call and a caller does not provide his name, you could say, May I ask who is calling, please?
How Do I Stop Unknown Calls?
If you want to stop unknown number calls then simply go into your phone settings then call settings and select the option of call rejection and then place the unknown number or select the option of unknown on auto reject list. All calls from unknown numbers will be blocked by this method.
A Final Word on Funny Ways to Answer The Phone
Don’t be surprised because people still use these playful and funny ways to answer the phone. Why? Because it gives them a break from the monotonous routine of answering your call with a boring Hello”!
Besides, they uplift the mood and make us laugh. So when are you coming into this prestigious list?
And if you want more resources on humor, check out these blog posts: