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The shocked looks and oh gasps from my friends were just too much. They’d just learned that I’ve been dating a guy for several months who’s never had a girlfriend before. (Besties and I haven’t had a chance to catch up, you see.)
After they got over (most) of their shock, I was bombarded with questions. Has he at least dated before? Does he have experience? Why the heck hasn’t he had a girlfriend before?
Then they were even more shocked to hear that he’s a really great boyfriend and I may be falling for him. Um, that’s right. He was amazing!
Of course, these are not always fairy tales in the making. There’s the opposite too, of course. Times when you should run in the opposite direction.
So what are the signs a guy has never had a girlfriend before, and how do you know it’s safe to take a chance on not? Let’s find out.
Why Have Some Guys Never Had a Girlfriend?
The guys who’ve never had a girlfriend before could have still gone out with women, but just never found the right one. At least one not worthy of the title, “girlfriend”.
They can also just be players, looking to sleep around without commitment worries. They prefer to date casually, and come and go as they please.
There is also the chance that a guy may not have had a girlfriend because he’s insecure and lacks confidence. Perhaps he’s not social enough? Or maybe he’s afraid of getting hurt and tends to be clingy, so he plays it too safe or “friend zones” a woman he’s interested in.
These are some of the more common reasons a guy may have never had a girlfriend too, but there are others, such as:
- He’s too focused on work.
- He doesn’t want to give up his hobbies.
- He doesn’t know when a woman is interested in him, or doesn’t think they’d probably want more than a free date.
In his defense, there are plenty of female players who only want to go on dates so guys can buy them a fancy dinner or drinks at a night club.
Specifics aside, there does appear to be a new trend on the rise. Time Magazine reported on research undertaken by Pew Research Center that found men are more likely to be single these days. The same study found that more and more singles just aren’t looking to date. Generally speaking, they are more focused on living their best self-partnered life, are too busy, or have other more important responsibilities at this stage in life than dating or having a girlfriend/boyfriend.
Plus, single non-daters (a much nicer, non-judgmental term than “relationship virgin”) have a medium age of 24. More than 40% of those younger than 40 also have never been in a relationship, while 21% of those 40 and older haven’t.
Ugh. So what does this all mean? Is dating a guy who hasn’t had a girlfriend a good thing or a bad thing?
Is It Bad If You Date a Guy Who’s Never Dated Before?
There’s a lot of judgment out there about guys (and ladies) who are non-daters, and many think there’s something wrong with them. While you should definitely be cautious and listen to your gut, sometimes you just have to take a chance, be all in (with both feet), and go for it!
Depending on the guy, it may not be at all bad to date a guy who’s never dated before. In fact, it may be the best thing relationship-wise you have ever done!
That isn’t to say the relationship will be easy, but it could be so worth it. He might have really high expectations and/or be super romantic and treat you like the queen or princess you are.
In a way, you have a clean slate with this non-dater guy. If you’ve dated before, you know the mental impact a bad relationship can have on you and your future relationships, and how your trust dwindles.
This non-dater guy won’t bring suitcase after suitcase of baggage to your relationship with him. You just need to deal with your own baggage so those don’t ruin the partnership.
I’m really happy I took a chance on my guy who’s never dated before. Sure, he was awkward around me at first, and while I had the space to “take charge” of our relationship, I’ve also given him space to step up, learn, and take charge.
What are the “Red Flags” of Guys Who’ve Never Had a Girlfriend Before?
While the following “red flags” aren’t all negative signs, they can help you identify what kind of non-dater you are involved with.
The Dating Manipulator
While we all have some form of narcissistic characteristics (since it’s essentially an extreme form of self-love), a non-dater who begins dating a woman may do so because she has triggered his narcissistic impulses. Narcissists often prey on a particular type of woman, and their first girlfriend may simply have met his subconscious requirement for a worthy target/partner to manipulate and abuse.
While such a non-dater may have interacted with other women, he may not have seen them as worthy of his affections. Finally, meeting his ideal woman, he may then decide to date her and call her his girlfriend as another way of owning her.
This kind of “relationship virgin” is the worst kind of predator, and such a relationship is not healthy.
Players are in a relationship for a reason. He may choose to be in a relationship, call the woman his girlfriend, and stop his non-girlfriend days because of a few reasons.
He may have found the ultimate challenge partner or he may use it as a manipulation to achieve another temporary conquest (and notch his bedpost). He may also have grown weary of his player ways and decided that it’s time to settle down.
Look for signs that he is looking to settle down. Don’t fall for his words or promises. Notice if he still has player behavior like doing endless boys nights, hanging out and boozing all night, or splashing money on frivolous ego toys.
The Love Match
Ever heard of keeping yourself for your perfect partner? While most people consider this to refer to sexual abstinence, it could be taken to the extreme that the guy is not interested in dating until he finds the woman whom he instantly falls for.
Signs of this kind of non-dater include that he wants to be friends first, enjoys your company, and works hard to ensure you always feel safe and treasured in his company. He may also be forward and announce with brutal honesty that he has fallen for you (and you should look for honesty in his eyes).
Shyness and Mental Difference
Not all of us communicate the same or even think the same way. We know that some people are more shy than others. For them, the challenge of talking to someone of the opposite sex may be too intimidating until they finally find the perfect partner they can risk it all for to talk to, befriend, and enter a relationship with.
There are also guys (and women) who suffer from limiting mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, and extreme introvertedness. These men tend to avoid any situation where they may be expected to interact with the opposite sex, much less date them.
They may stutter, have physical injuries or scars, or have been abused by their primary caregivers, which makes them avoid being in another relationship that could disempower them if used for bad.
Super Independent Bachelors
Not all men are geared toward being in intimate relationships. For whichever reason that applies (whether work, hobbies, social, or other), these confirmed bachelors don’t date, don’t get involved romantically, and they may never find a woman they will opt out of the bachelor’s life for.
However, you may be just that woman, and when a super independent bachelor suddenly calls you his girlfriend, he may really have changed his beliefs for you.
Signs that he really wants to be with you include when he sacrifices time to be with you – giving up some of his more extravagant hobbies to invest time and effort in your relationship, or he includes you more and more in his life and wants to participate in yours.
15 Signs a Guy Has Never Had a Girlfriend
The guy you are potentially interested in may not be forthcoming that they don’t date and/or haven’t had a girlfriend before. So how can you tell he is a non-dater?
Here are the 15 best signs a guy has never had a girlfriend before:
1. He’s Very Into You
A non-dater may be very into you if he likes what he sees – not just your looks but also personality wise. This guy will let you know how he feels about you from the start, or very soon afterwards. Taking it slow isn’t something he knows.
So you might hear about his future plans for your relationship, which can be a big turn-off or a “hold your horses” moment.
If you like him, gently let him know you aren’t ready to chat about the far-future just yet but you are interested to see where this relationship could take both of you.
2. He Overthinks
You may see lots of drama with a non-dater. Because he is unsure about relationships as a whole, his role, and you, he’ll overreact about simple things.
If you have to cancel a date because you need to take your mom to the hospital or because work called since there’s an emergency, the guy will overthink, wondering what he did wrong, if you aren’t into him any longer, if this is you breaking up with him, and more.
3. He’s Strange When Talking About Your Relationship
Ladies definitely know how bad guys are when it comes to talking about their feelings, and this is even worse with non-daters.
The guy may not know how to express his feelings or his thoughts and expectations about the relationship. He’ll be awkward when it comes to disagreements and any other type of conflict too. Even “simple” situations may result in a misunderstanding because he just isn’t sure and doesn’t know what you want.
Be patient, take it slow, and communicate clearly.
4. He’s All-in or All-Out
Non-daters are on either end of the extreme. They are either all in with their relationship with you or they are all out. When the guy is “all out,” he isn’t even remotely interested in dating or having a girlfriend. He also sees relationships and romance according to what we see on TV shows and in the movies.
According to relationship expert James Bauer, an “all-out” guy’s hero instinct hasn’t been triggered. Bauer believes that men have an innate need to feel valued, protect, and please the person they love. Trigger this response, and the non-dater won’t be on the fence any longer – he’ll be all in.
5. He’s Out of Sync
Non-daters may make light of situations that are actually serious and then be dead serious when things are “normal” or more fun. You’ll pick up on this during one-on-one conversations as well as in his messages he sends you.
He isn’t being an ass on purpose; he’s just new at romance and relationships.
6. He Overplans
Just like the non-dater overthinks, he overplans too. This overplanning instinct could extend to every facet of your relationship (think Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory).
Your dates will be planned to the finest minuscule detail, and you may even see a link pop up on your phone with your schedules and where you can spend time together, what activities are available, and more. Talk about taking co-scheduling to a whole new level!
This may freak you out, but your new guy is just making sense of this “new world.”
7. He’s Nervous and Jittery
Even if he’s sure of his feelings for you and that “you are the one,” he may be nervous around you – all the time.
He isn’t sure if he can kiss you, hold your hand, or put his arm around you. He’s even wondering if he dressed okay.
This can be cute at first, until it gets annoying. Have a chat if you feel it’s warranted and remember that it’s all new for him – like it once was for you too.
8. He’s Awkward
The non-dater may also be very awkward – stumbling over his words, blushing like a school boy/girl, and acting clumsy. Truth is, he is a hot mess – because of you!
This behavior can be both flattering and annoying, but try to focus on the flattering part of it.
9. He Seems to Be Inconsiderate of Your Time
If your guy hasn’t dated previously, it may seem that he has no regard for your time. When you are on his mind, he may seem like a 24/7 shadow, following you everywhere. He may be constantly around you or want to message, chat, and hang out.
But when he’s busy – at work or playing Halo Infinite or Shadow Warrior with his friends – it’ll seem like he’s ghosted you.
He just hasn’t been housetrained, so don’t take it personally.
10. He’s Mister Yes
The man who’s never had a girlfriend before could also be Mister Yes – like the movie Yes Man. He says yes to anything and everything to please you. He may think that saying no will mean that you’ll leave him or not like/love him anymore.
The non-dater may also come across as very indecisive or let you make all the decisions.
11. He Misses Hints
If you hint as something or are subtle about what you want, chances are the hints will go over his head. You think your hints are obvious, but they are only obvious to you. After all, women are confusing.
He’ll read you better the longer you are together.
12. He’s Self-Centered
Not in a selfish way, but the non-dater may be focused on himself because “he” is all he’s had up till now. He may put himself first and seem to be inconsiderate.
Your guy needs to learn that he should think of you too.
13. His House Is Very Manly
When you see his house or apartment for the first time, you’ll clearly see a lack of female influence (unless he is close to his mom). There may be no night light. There is only a lazy boy (or state-of-the-art gaming chair) and a few other seating spaces for when his friends come over for a game. His kitchen tools are bare minimum.
14. He Has Unrealistic Future Goals
Have you asked a non-dater what they want in 10 years or where they want to be? If he tells you about his work ambitions, he may be very specific.
But when it comes to his personal life, he’ll be clueless, saying something like, “Uh, I dunno. Have a wife and 2.5 kids?” At which point you freak out, right?
Just remember he’s insecure, and really may not know what he envisions for his future.
15. He’s Clueless About Women
Clueless in terms of specifics and even general things. The relationship newbie won’t know that he has to just put up with watching Princess Bride at least once, learn about your favorite shows, or that you have a whole routine before you can leave the house or be ready to show your face in public.
Final Thoughts on the Signs a Guy Has Never Had a Girlfriend
Don’t run away as fast as you can if you see signs that the guy you are interested in is or was a non-dater and is essentially a relationship newbie. Remember to be patient, take his insecurities and awkwardness in stride, and give him space to learn.
It’s only if you see narcissistic tendencies that you should most definitely run for the hills. You can also try and ask around, talk to his friends and colleagues. You could also do some social media investigating on your own (Facebook stalking), but it is usually best to follow your gut and talk to the people that no you best.
If you are planning on sticking it out with your relationship newbie, and the fireworks are on the horizon, here are 15 signs that you are in a passionate and strong relationship.