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“Why Does My Father Hates me?” This question keeps popping up in your mind because no matter how hard it is to believe sometimes nothing feels more real than this. A father hating on you is the worst thing ever because parents are not supposed to hate us, right?
Parents are supposed to protect us and provide us with assurance, but fathers are notorious for being a little tough as compared to mothers. Maybe the reason behind this is because they don’t express themselves much.
Whatever the reason might be, one thing is sure, and that is the mutual impact of parent child-relationship.
Fathers are adorable creatures, but sometimes they are the ones that break our hearts. Mainstream media is full of numerous portrayals of “angry and “strict” dads; mere depiction of their character can bring chills down your spine, let alone having to bear it in real life. If you believe that your father hates you, then maybe he is one of those soap operas’ kind of dad, or perhaps there is some ongoing tension in your relationship that makes it seem like one.
Let us figure it out.
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Why Does My Father Hate Me? 3 Possible Reasons!
1. You made a severe mistake
One of the most plausible reasons that your father hates you might be that you made a grave mistake. Now, this mistake can vary in its context-based upon the value system of your household or religion.
For example, if you drink alcohol or gamble or if you got yourself pregnant before marriage chances are your father is going to show a severe reaction, and that severity would make you perceive that he hates you.
This hatred is most probably anger that may or may not subside with time, but labeling it as hatred is a hasty generalization. Maybe he is worried about you, and the only way he knows how to show care is through being angry at you however this shouldn’t be seen as a justification of encouraging anger as an expression of concern.
2. Ideological clash
Sometimes ideologies are dearer than blood relationships. Maybe you and your father have a severe ideological conflict that can make a living under one roof a far-fetched dream.
For example, if your father is a devoted religious man and you turn out to be an atheist or if your father is an Army veteran and you turn out to be a comrade. Such clashes can ensure hatred even between closet relationships.
However, whether it is temporary or not is still debatable.
Ego can turn out to be the biggest enemy of any relationship. Some parents are very controlling and ego-centric.
They want to control every aspect of your life, and if you make choices against their will, then they can give you an adamant time because that’s’ where their ego comes to play. Ego can even urge a parent to abandon their children and be cruel to them.
As we have thoroughly analyzed the reason why fathers are hard to deal with and possible reasons why they hate their children, now let us move forward on how to deal with such a situation.
5 Reasons Why Dads are ‘Hard To Deal With?’ – Debunking the Myths!
1. Social Conditioning – Why Does My Father Hates Me?
Social conditioning is an essential factor that why dads are perceived as hard to deal with because most often they are. Society teaches men to have a tough exterior, especially when it comes to emotions. Mothers are deemed as softer than fathers, and they are more active participants in the life of children, generally speaking.
Due to less participation and lack of decision-making, there is a distance created between children and fathers right from an early age. This is why some fathers are hard to deal with because of the void that social conditioning has created.
2. Emotional Distance
Children, especially sons, feel more close to their mothers as compared to fathers. Fathers are expected to be breadwinners of households, and all the monetary responsibilities fall upon their shoulders alone in quite many cases.
Absence of father and the limited amount of time which they have restricted the free flow of emotional bonding in some cases, and there is a distance created both ways.
Children and fathers could not emotionally relate to each other much because they get adapted to that distance due to whatever reason; maybe he lived abroad for earning a livelihood or hard to work rigorously up to 10 hours at work.
This emotional distance creates not only bottled up tensions in a relationship but also it gives rise to awkward situations.
3. Lack of Expression
This one also pertains to social conditioning. Society believes and demands toughness from men. The toxic notion of men doesn’t cry evolves from childhood till parenthood.
A father is supposed to show fewer emotions as compared to a mother. This doesn’t mean they don’t feel anything at all. It only means they express much less as compared to mothers even if they feel a strong urge to do so.
So, instead of just answering your question of Why Does My Father Hates Me by putting all the load on your father, try to understand his social conditioning about the lack of expression.
4. Perceived Fear – Why Does My Father Hates Me?
Often the fear of father is inculcated from an early age as a controlling mechanism of disciplining kids. “I will tell your father” is a common threat given to children when they do not behave well.
Now, no matter how sweet the father might be, these threats play a considerable role in inculcating negative imagery of fathers that can, later on, affect the relationship.
5. Communication Gap
The communication gap is one of the biggest problems that is faced in any relationship. Mostly misconceptions arise out of the communication gap. Once the communication gets better, surprisingly, the majority of the issues will go away.
A communication gap can be mutual as well as one-sided; however, in any case, it prevails tension in a relationship.
5 Effective Ways on How To Deal with a Father Who Hates You?
1. Give it Some Perspective – Why Does My Father Hates Me?
If you keep questioning yourself again and again about why does my father hates me? Then you really need to have some perspective.
Despite having the best intentions for their children, parents can sometimes damage them unknowingly. Remember that they are also human beings, and they make mistakes too.
Parents have their flaws, and they are in no way perfect. They have their own set of intellectual, psychological, and emotional handicaps. Often they are also terrified to be judged by their children, which makes them make desperate attempts. Consider your father as a human first and parent later.
2. Lower your expectations
Not expect too much because expectations dictate feelings. When you assume that your parent is supposed to be a certain way or act a certain way, then you are going to feel a stronger sense of injustice if things do not turn out to be that way.
3. Do not become a victim of guilt trips
Tough parents love making you feel guilty. Do not fall into that guilt trap. Tell him that you do not like emotional blackmailing. If your father continues, then retaliate appropriately. Let him know that you know.
The trick is to listen to him and agreeing what he says but re-state your own decision each time.
4. Be assertive – Why Does My Father Hates Me?
Be direct and calm with your approach without expecting any specific response from your father. Keep letting your thoughts and feelings known. Use “I” statements often. Don’t let a toxic father bully you into submission.
Use polite mannerism with him. Stay calm and focus on your goal i.e., being honest.
5. Consider Forgoing – Why Does My Father Hates Me?
This is one of the tough decisions, but sometimes it is the most necessary one. It is the last resort when everything else fails, especially when a toxic parent continues to subject you to emotional and mental trauma.
A parent who is fundamentally incapable of showing love and support, who is unable to see the error of his ways, who is consistently abusive, demeaning, or critical – that parent is a toxic presence that will continue to tear you down until you put a stop to it. It’s not an easy feat – the parent-child bond is hard-wired into our brains, which means children get attached to even the awful parents.
But consider the cost of having that toxic relationship in your life – stress, anxiety, depression, internalized feelings of inadequacy, failed personal relationships, not to mention thousands of dollars’ worth of therapy.
Maybe one day they will change; there is hope. Anything’s possible. But until then, consider all options, including cutting them loose.
FAQs on Why Does My Father Hates Me:
Why does my father hate me?
Fathers are adorable creatures, but sometimes they are the ones that break our hearts. There might be many reasons such as you may have done a severe mistake or maybe there is some ego-related issue.
What is the best way to deal with your father that hates you?
When you live with him, stay out of the rooms he frequences. This will make it hard at mealtimes. If he catches on to what you are doing be frank and truthful. ask him, “Dad, let’s figured out that why you hate me.
What is it like to hate or strongly dislike your father?
This is the worst hell on earth because it damages you permanently as a person and as a human being. You start losing faith in humanity and think nobody would truly understand you.
What should you do if you hate your father?
Well, I would like to advise you that you need to talk with him, figure out his thoughts and try to understand him and tell him how his actions affect you.
Sometimes we are unfair in our judgments and get too carried away by temporary tensions in our relationship with our fathers. Other times our experience is a hard-reality, which is very bitter to gulp. This article will help you understand better, and it comes with handy tips that are effective when it comes to dealing with a tough parent.