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Is your spouse overly controlling? Do they manipulate and gaslight you? If so, you need to learn how to deal with the controlling husband (or wife) in your life.
No one likes to be told what to wear, eat, and dress every time! A spouse will always have opinions on these things, and that is fine, but sometimes they go too far and work to control every action in your life, rather than simply sharing options and ideas.
This is not good for your marriage.
Marriages and relationships are destroyed when one of the partners is overly controlling. Even if you love your spouse, it becomes impossible to coexist with him/her. Why? Because he/she poses an imminent threat to your individuality!
Therefore, divorce rates rise, and couples choose to stay separate when one of the spouses is overly controlling.
In this post, we will discuss the signs of a controlling man or woman, but more importantly, we will feature 12 effective ways to deal with a controlling husband or wife. Because knowing they are controlling is good, but it is worthless if you do not take steps to improve your relationship, or ultimately end the relationship if you deem it necessary.
Today there are new and effective methods of couple counseling that help couples to understand their underlying strengths and apply them to their relationship. Likewise, there are ways to deal with a controlling husband too. These ways are logical, result-oriented, and most effective in terms of practicality.
So we won’t waste more time and provide you with these super Effective ways to deal with a controlling husband!
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12 Effective Ways How To Deal With A Controlling Husband!
1. How To Deal With A Controlling Husband – Stay Calm
That’s a no-brainer. Let your husband say whatever he wants to, and you exercise calm equanimity. I know it is easier said than done, but you will master a calm facade it if you keep practicing.
For most people, arguing with your spouse is a natural reaction to their controlling conduct. But, a controlling person is unlikely to allow you to win the argument, so this tactic will possibly escalate the argument and exacerbate the confrontation.
Instead of arguing, just be calm. You can disagree with your spouse without yelling or being disrespectful.
Here’s how: For example, you could say: “I see your angle, but you are forgetting…”
2. How To Deal With A Controlling Husband – Develop A Plan
Another way to handle a controlling husband is to ask them to make a plan to implement their ideas, rather than arguing about the lack of rationality in their point of view.
This will expend their time and energy. They may discover their own flaws while making a plan, they may expend enough time that they do not want to argue points and try to control your actions in the future and, of course, they may have been in the right, to begin with.
Consider this as “giving in” but making it difficult enough of a task that they will not want to repeat it for every disagreement.
3. How To Deal With A Controlling Husband – Be Empathetic
The best way to deal with a controlling husband (or wife) is to be empathetic. Understand their perspective. Try to see where they are coming from. They may be gaslighting and manipulative, but they also might actually have a point. Give yourself the opportunity to tell if they are simply being controlling for the sake of control or if they have an important point-of-view you should consider.
Take a second to recall why your spouse may be acting the way they are and do your best to be understanding. But it is also important to have limits. It is fine to try to see their point of view, but you do not want to be a doormat. So try to see their views and be reasonable… until it is time to be unreasonable.
4. How To Deal With A Controlling Husband- Ask Constructive Questions
This strategy works closely with the “develop the plan” strategy. How? Because you turn the focus of the whole argument around by asking him the right questions. Ask questions that make your husbands know that their behavior is unacceptable.
For example, you might say, “Did you explain to me exactly what you want?” Or, “I am going to walk away unless you start treating me with respect!”
Also, avoid getting defensive, as this will only enhance the controlling behavior.
5. Talk Out On Their Recurring Patterns Of Controlling Behavior
Controllers often do not know they’re controlling. In fact, many controllers feel as though they are under control, which may explain why they feel the need to be so assertive.
If you are dealing with a habitually over-controlling husband, you will have to convince him that he is controlling, which may take some time.
Remember to be as respectful as possible when you are having this conversation. If you want to save your marriage, you should not attack your spouse’s character. Instead, focus on the kinds of actions or situations that upset you. Use as many examples as possible in explaining what you mean by “controlling.”
This way, it will dawn upon your husband that he’s being wrong in many ways, without hurting him.
6. How To Deal With A Controlling Husband – Set Boundaries
Set Boundaries after having a conversation with your husband. These boundaries will define what you can tolerate and what you will not as it takes time to change a whole behavior pattern. Explain to your spouse in as much detail as possible what kind of behavior needs correction.
Obviously, you won’t make a list of problems with your husband and brainstorm over specific issues that bother you. Just keep in mind that it is an interactive exercise. You must open to be his suggestions to set the boundaries too. Only then it will work out well in the end.
7. How To Deal With A Controlling Husband- Define Consequences
Define consequences if your husband shows the same behavior again. If he’s working on it, then it is commendable, and as I said above, change takes time. Therefore, he might display the same behavior because he will be doing it out of habit. This strategy must only apply to significant offenses that cannot be addressed in any other way.
For minor offenses, your husband may benefit from a simple reminder of your boundaries. Therefore, it is you who need to decide what works best for you, and you will ace the behavior of your controlling husband.
8. Seek Counselling
As I wrote in the intro of this blog, counseling is your knight in shining armor when you are distressed by your marriage life or spouse. At what stage will you need a counselor’s help? When your husband is unwilling to acknowledge his controlling behavior, or if the two of you are unable to correct the issues on your own.
You may want to try couple’s therapy, as this will allow you to speak to each other about your problems. Your husband may also benefit from individual treatment, which may help reveal the reasons behind the controlling behavior, such as low self-esteem or a traumatic childhood.
Therefore, counseling is the only thing that comes with benefits only and has no side effects whatsoever.
9. Do Not Isolate Yourself
Working on ways to save your marriage does not mean you have to isolate yourself! As many controlling husbands tend to put you down in front of your social circles, friends, and relations.
This is absolutely unacceptable. If this is the case for you, you must stand up for yourself and let your spouse know that you have no intention of making your other relationships suffer.
You have a right to spend some alone time as well. But you should have alone time only if it is what YOU desire. Never because you feel your spouse will embarrass you or make your company uncomfortable.
So let your husband know that you will need time to pursue your hobbies. You must also encourage your spouse to join in. Maybe some time together doing activities you both love will remind your significant other of all the things you love about each other.
10. DON’T TAKE His Criticism Personally
If your controlling husband has a habit of putting you down, then you might feel at some point that you deserve this criticism. But that’s not true at all.
In fact, you need to remind yourself that you deserve the best, and to not take this criticism personally. Internalizing criticism can cause you to doubt your own abilities, never think of yourself as some unimportant being!
Work hard and take baby steps to achieve the goals you set. This will be healthy for your mental growth and development.
In my opinion, this is the best advice so far to deal with a controlling husband.
11. Don’t Feel Guilty
Internalizing criticism also comes with feelings of guilt in you. But these are not for you. So you must feel guilty of whatever your controlling husband blames you for because this is all due to his behavior problem.
If your husband does this, then you must recognize it as just another tactic he uses to control you, and not let it affect your decisions.
Therefore, no need to feel guilty because your husband has a genuine problem here, NOT YOU.
12. Stay True To Your Beliefs
Many controlling spouses dominate their partners by telling them what to think or what values to have. If you have opinions and beliefs that differ from those of your spouse, it is crucial to stand up for your right to maintain them.
For instance, if you have a different religion than your spouse, then you must maintain your independence in this regard. Also, If you have different political beliefs than your spouse, continue to vote based on your own convictions.
Note: a controlling person, especially one with narcissistic or sociopathic tendencies, can become dangerous if pushed far enough. They will gaslight you. They will try to make themselves seem superior. They may even harm you if provoked, so do what it takes to keep yourself safe.
FAQ – Frequently Asked Questions on how to deal with a controlling husband?
What are the signs of a controlling person?
They make you believe everything’s your fault. They condemn all of you the time. They don’t need you to see your loved ones. They keep track of who’s winning. They dramatize. They threaten. They’re ill-humored.
What is a controlling husband?
Controlling somebody isn’t a similar thing as thinking about somebody, particularly in marriage. Indeed, when a spouse endeavors to control his significant other, he is throwing her considerations, knowledge, and feelings aside and treating her like a kid, or one who doesn’t have the development to help settle on significant choices.
What causes controlling behavior?
Some potential reasons for controlling conduct are low confidence; being micromanaged or constrained by another person; awful past encounters; a need to feel in charge; or a need to feel ‘above’ another person.. None of these have to do with you, the survivor of wrong control.
What is a toxic relationship?
It is a relationship described by practices with respect to the harmful accomplice that is genuinely and, not inconsistently, truly harming their accomplice. A poisonous relationship is portrayed by weakness, conceit, predominance, and control.
A Final Word on Dealing With a Controlling Husband:
Ultimately, don’t be afraid to ask those closest to you for help. A controlling person is only as powerful as you are isolated. Keep yourself surrounded by love. Remember to take care of yourself daily, and it will be tough for them to gain or maintain a foothold in your life.
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