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Not so long ago, I found myself sitting on my bathroom floor hugging my knees and crying my eyes out. It was over a guy who made me ask, “Why do guys pretend to love you when they know it’ll break your heart?”
I had just found out he was dating another woman after we agreed to an exclusive relationship. He displayed all the signs that he loved me, even referring to me as “The One.” I loved, believed, and trusted him… only to end up hurt and betrayed.
Most women are never really certain of a man’s deceit until they start seeing “red flags”… that is, if they keep their eyes open and wits about them. It’s not easy to do when you’re blinded by love.
In this article, we’ll be exploring 13 reasons why men fake their love and empower you to call his bluff… that, or end that one-sided relationship once and for all!
What Will I Learn?
- Why Would Someone Pretend to Love Another Person?
- How Does One-Sided Love Affect You?
- 13 Reasons Why Guys Pretend to Love You (But Don’t)
- 1. He’s Pretentious by Nature
- 2. He Wants You to Let Your Guard Down
- 3. He Wants to Make His Ex Jealous
- 4. He Doesn’t Want to Hurt Your Feelings
- 5. He’s a Player
- 6. He’s a Narcissist
- 7. He’s Looking to Enhance His Social Status
- 8. He’s In It Only for Sex
- 9. He’s Bored and Needs Attention
- 10. He’s Seeking Material Gains
- 11. He Doesn’t Know How to Love
- 12. He’s Using You to Get Over a Breakup
- 13. He’s a Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style
- Final Thoughts on Why Do Guys Pretend to Love You
Why Would Someone Pretend to Love Another Person?
People hide their true feelings about others for various reasons and it’s not always for nefarious reasons. You’ll see this happening in romantic, platonic, and family relationships. Even though they know they don’t love you, they’ll continue to engage you in ways that make you feel the relationship is authentic.
A man may shower you with affection, consistent communication, and plenty of PDA. His words and actions are convincing of a future together. Your friends may even buy into it! Behaving in this manner causes you to feel loved, safe, and secure… you can’t imagine it’s a lie. Why would guys pretend to love you without any regard for your feelings?
Here are some common reasons:
- To get an ego boost
- To make you agree to marriage
- To get even
- To get you to trust him
- To make you show your vulnerable side
- To connect to your social network
- To acquire sexual or financial benefits
How Does One-Sided Love Affect You?
Being with someone who doesn’t return your love will result in a one-sided relationship. Whether or not you’re conscious of it, the relationship is likely to become inherently stressful or affect your mental health. The relationship becomes imbalanced physically, emotionally, or financially when you’re giving far more than you’re getting in return.
You may be left feeling stressed, anxious, exhausted, sad, or depressed from being with a guy who doesn’t love you back. The pain of rejection associated with unrequited love can leave you feeling unlovable or unworthy. Lowered self-esteem and self-confidence can also accompany these feelings.
It’s easy to become cynical or afraid to love again after experiencing unrequited love. It sucks! So we’re not going to let that that happen… but, if it already did, don’t worry! We’ll help you get through it and avoid a repeat performance with the next guy!
13 Reasons Why Guys Pretend to Love You (But Don’t)
Any guy who misuses love to gain from you physically, emotionally, financially, or in any other way is probably insecure or lacks emotional intelligence. It seems easier for men who lack empathy and compassion to fake their love just to get into relationships with women. If you notice your man’s words and actions don’t align or you have a gut feeling he’s not that into you, it might be for these reasons.
1. He’s Pretentious by Nature
You ran away from the mama’s boy or commitment-phobic and ran right into Mr. Pretentious. He’s smart and cunning with a knack for making a lie look like truth. Beware! Everything about this guy reeks of fakeness.
Think of a con man who knows exactly what to say or do to get you to “buy” whatever they’re “selling.” This guy will tell you he loves you and do things to back it up. He’ll pretty much force his way into your life with false promises and future faking. Falling for a man like this is easy if you’re at a vulnerable stage of your life.
2. He Wants You to Let Your Guard Down
Maybe you’re a woman with high standards who puts a man through the wringer before you commit to intimacy. It’s okay to be skeptical about opening up and trusting your new beau, especially if you’ve been betrayed in a relationship in the past. It’s your way of protecting yourself from heartbreak.
The guy may recognize you’re being cautious and decide to fake love you. That’s his strategy to get you to lower your emotional defenses. Ultimately, it’s a selfish and self-serving thing to do. Once you start caring for him, he’ll get to enjoy the benefits of a relationship without needing to have his feelings involved.
Not having emotional ties to you also makes it easier for him to walk away from the relationship. Luckily, there are ways to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you back.
3. He Wants to Make His Ex Jealous
There’s a special species of guys who are into dating other women only to get their ex’s attention or create jealousy. What a sleazy thing to do.
There you are, thinking your boyfriend loves you. After all, he dates you in public and introduces you to his friends. Unknowing to you, it’s all a charade to get his ex-girlfriend to feel he’s moving on. He’s trying to manipulate her into taking him back.
You may later find out that he took you to the same restaurants and clubs he frequented with his ex, hoping she would run into him rendezvousing with you. Some men will go as far as posting pics of you two on their social media. All along, it isn’t about celebrating his relationship with you but rather a jealousy game he’s playing with his ex.
4. He Doesn’t Want to Hurt Your Feelings
A guy might find himself between a rock and a hard place. He knows you love him, but the feeling isn’t mutual. Quitting you might have been an option he considered. At the same time, he genuinely doesn’t want to break your heart, especially after seeing how much you’re into him.
Instead of coming clean with you, what does he do? He continues to make you believe he loves you or tries to sabotage the relationship. In the back of his mind, he hopes that you’ll stop loving him and leave.
He’s already imagining how relieved he’s going to feel. He won’t have to risk breaking your heart or carrying guilt over ending the relationship. His perfect solution is to continue deceiving you about his true feelings. All this does is prolong the one-sided relationship and deepens the pain of rejection and loss once you discover the truth.
5. He’s a Player
Some men are into having as many women on their arms as they possibly can with no plan to commit to any of them. He’s the typical player who sees women as objects that can easily be replaced.
This type of guy begins dating you using fake romantic interest to hook you but has absolutely no intention of loving you. For him, you’re an option or a placeholder until the “right” woman comes along. To get you to trust him, he acts as if he loves you or lies about his feelings. Bring up labeling the relationship and watch how he cringes.
The end game is to simultaneously date and benefit from you and others until he’s ready to move on. A man who wants the best of both worlds is not likely to have the balls to discuss breaking up. He’ll just ghost you, leaving you to wonder why do guys pretend to love you.
6. He’s a Narcissist
Behold the petty narcissists who are into love bombing women from all angles. They come in very strong at the beginning and can easily fool even a cautious woman like me into thinking she’s found true love.
Love bombing is when someone persistently showers you with loving words, affection, or attention to manipulate your feelings for them. The goal is to woo you, win you over, and reap the benefits using manipulative tactics. He’ll act like he’s head over heels in love with you within weeks of meeting you.
It’s necessary to do this to get you to form an emotional attachment to him very quickly before his narcissist mask falls off. Knowing how to deal with a narcissist can save you from the trauma of dating one.
7. He’s Looking to Enhance His Social Status
It seems like a despicable thing to do, but people do use well-known people to boost their social status. You see it a lot among celebrities. If you follow celebrity news, you probably came across speculations that A-Rod dated J.Lo to enhance his social standing and value. More recently, people are of the view that Pete Davidson is only dating Kim Kardashian for publicity.
A dating relationship that begins with such an ulterior motive isn’t genuine although your beau may appear to be in love with you. He’s likely to move on at lightning speed after you break up because he wasn’t attached in love. The primary goal was to worm his way up the social ladder through you.
8. He’s In It Only for Sex
Why do guys pretend to love you just for sex? There are men who willfully misrepresent their feelings to women to ‘get the cookie.’ For them, it’s an ego boost. They’ll even boast to friends about the chase and sexual conquest of multiple women at the same time. I once overheard a guy showing off about dating several women on a roster only for sex before dumping them.
An honest and compassionate man is not likely to treat you this way. He’ll tell you he’s not interested in love or a relationship and allow you to decide if you still wish to date him. He won’t pretend to love you and play with your heart.
9. He’s Bored and Needs Attention
The guy you’re dating may not have a solid social circle to hang out with and lean on for support. Having a close connection to loved ones and peers can provide him with validation and a sense of belonging. Being with you appears to satisfy those needs and desires, but that’s where it stops for him.
He’s not looking for love or a serious romantic relationship with you. Instead, he connects with you to deal with his boredom and avoid loneliness at your expense. Using you to cope with loneliness is unfair. You’ll end up wasting time and emotions you could give to someone else who truly loves and cares for you.
10. He’s Seeking Material Gains
When a woman feels loved, she’ll do just about anything for her man. Men know this very well. They’re also aware that telling a woman “I love you” means everything to her.
What better way is there to get whatever material things he wants from you than to trick you into believing he cares that much? He probably has his eyes on your money, home, or business, or that link to your business connections. An opportunist like this needs to get the boot.
11. He Doesn’t Know How to Love
Love is a concept that has a different meaning for different people. Socialization and culture have a huge influence on our understanding of what love means and how we attach in relationships. Your guy may not know what love should feel or look like or how to show it.
In ignorance, he may end up saying things or acting in ways that contradict your idea of love. If this is the case, the guy might be loving you the best way he knows how and isn’t necessarily out to get sex, material gains, or break your heart.
12. He’s Using You to Get Over a Breakup
Breakups are hard on men and women. Some people move on quickly, while it’s a long process for others. A guy who’s having a tough time forgetting about his ex might decide to hook up with you to buffer the emotional pain he feels. Although it’s important for him to heal, using you as a coping strategy isn’t fair.
As he attempts to quench his pain and heal his broken heart, he’s also breaking your heart in the process. Guys who aren’t emotionally intelligent or self-aware may end up doing this unintentionally. That’s not an excuse or justification for their behavior. It’s wrong and you shouldn’t tolerate it.
13. He’s a Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style
According to psychologists, the way we attach in romantic relationships is determined by the relationship we had with our primary caregiver during childhood. A person can fall into one of these three attachment styles; anxious, avoidant, or secure. Avoidants can be fearful-avoidant or avoidant-dismissive.
Fearful-avoidants have a crippling fear of intimacy that causes them to both need and fear love. They’re unable to break through that fear and be emotionally vulnerable with you. Your guy may think pretending to love you is a logical way to get his physical and emotional needs met.
Nevertheless, giving you counterfeit love impacts you emotionally and psychologically. With psychotherapy, your boyfriend can overcome his fear of intimacy and love you the way you deserve.
Final Thoughts on Why Do Guys Pretend to Love You
It seems heartless for someone to fake their love for you when you’re giving all of yourself to them… but, sadly, it happens more than you think. There are all kinds of people in this world and some date only with less than honest intentions and selfish gain.
The good news is, since you now know why some guys are phony when it comes to love, you can protect yourself from falling for the wrong guy. The knowledge you’ve been given will empower you to call them out, or quit while you’re ahead. For added security, guard your heart with these 19 Best Signs of True Love.